Sticky Notes

If...

If you lose someone today...

"Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow". Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she/he loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amout of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly ( oh d b parang modes lang?).

Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but still it will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It's never too late. Remember, you may find love and lost it but " when love dies, you never have to die with it". Remember, you cannot be redeemer all your life. The best way to weigh a relationship is to put it out in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. Remember, we all fall and make wrong decisions but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued lessons of life. Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn "how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be unselfish and give more than we can. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it feels like to fall and get hurt".

But learning doesn't have to end there. After our fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that " life doesn't end where our heartaches begin. There is no future in a relationship of lies and selfishness". It's true there is life in love. But there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again.

The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that.. "happiness is not a matter of destiny but a matter of choice". Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow". If you lose love, that doesn't mean you have failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past left you with. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back tou you". And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. A woman on the rebound could easily fail for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love she lost. If loving a person who attached to someone else is acrime, and then maybe, many of us would have been jailed long before we realize what its cosequesnces could have been. Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. "Don't think only of yout feeling for real love doesn't have a place for selfish people". When there is love, there is always sacrifice. When we love someone, we never easily give up on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to undestand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered. "Open your heart again and give yourself a chance to find the one who would make loving worth the pain and the sacrifice".

Just like anything else, our love grows weak and dies if not taken cared of. It can keep up with pain only to a certain extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies. "God wakes us up in the midst of a storm to teach us a lesson. He takes away people we love; so we can learn to value love itself. He makes us cry so hard so we can see clearly when we open our eyes. He makes us bitter so we can realize that there is no genuine happiness if we think only of our needs and not of others".

Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness are doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be. God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our loves and only if we put our trust in Him, we can learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows.

In many failed realationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstance.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolution we make to ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkest and loneliest moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try. "Losing someone we love may not be a loss at all but a blessing because someone even more deserving is yet to come."

If you're waiting for someone...

There comes a time in our lives when we meet someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being " sorry for ourselves. You have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. You would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving".

A man who makes a promise with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfil them. "It's true that love can wait forever but it is crazy to stubbornly hope for someone who doesn't even understand how we feel. Love makes us see things through rose-colored glassess. Most of the time, we fail to recognize the danger sign that light up along our way. This feeling you have nurtured for so long isn't healthy anymore. You must realize that you have to let go now before it consumes you and your sanity. There is always a time to think and stop, a time to be sensible and not allow our hearts to rule over our heads. " You deserve to be happy not in the arms of a man/woman who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someone who will take you now and love you forever".

There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but "we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible". There comes a time on our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says stop but we still stubbornly head on. We would say our love is unconditional. But if it is really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about. "Being in love can be the most wonderful thing we could experience but if the feeling begins to consume our whole beings, then we have to stop and let our minds and not our hearts dictate our actions. Only when we learn to accept our fate and understand the meaning of our failures can we truly go on with life without having to look back and cry over the things that could have been but will never be".

~~~~End~~~~

Somewhere in...

Somewhere in Milaor, Camarines Sur, there lived a fourthgrader boy who would follow this route to school everyday: He has to cross the rugged plains and cross the dangerous highway where vehicles are recklessly driving to and from.

Once past this highway, the boy would take a short cut,passing by the Church every morning just to say Hi to God, and faithfully say his, "Magandang umaga po" in Bicol dialect. He was faithfully being watched by a Priest who was happy to find innocence so uplifting in themorning,

"Kamusta, Andoy? Papasok ka na?"

"Opo padre ... "he would flash his innocent grin, the priest would be touched. He was so concerned that one day he talked to Andoy.

"From school...", he advised "Do not cross the highway, you can pass through the Church and I can accompany you to the otherside of the road...that way I can see that you are home safe...."

"Thank you father ... "

"Why don't you go home ... why do you stay in this church right after school?"

"I just want to say 'Hi' to my friend, God," and the priest would leave the boy to spend time beside the altar, talking to himself, but the priest was hiding behind the altar to listen to what this boy has to say to his heavenly FATHER.

"You know my math exam was pretty bad today, but I did not cheat although my seatmate is bullying me for notes... I ate one cracker and drank my water, Itay had a bad season and all I can eat is this cracker.

Thank You for this! I saw a poor kitten who was hungry and I know how he feels so I gave my last cracker to him ... funny but I am not that hungry.

Look, this is my last pair of slippers ...I may have to walk barefoot next week, You see this is about to be broken... but it is okay....at least I am still going to school.... Some say we will have a hard season this month,some of my classmates have already stopped going to school....please help them get to school again, please God?

...Oh, you know, Inay hit me again, it is painful, but I know this pain will pass away, at least I still have a mother.... God, you want to see my bruises? I know You can heal them.... Here... here and ....oh ...blood...I guess You knew about this one huh? Please don't be mad at Inay, she is just tired and she worries for the food in our table and my schooling that is why she hits us....Oh, I think I am in love ... there's this pretty girl in my class, her name is Anita ... do you think she will like me? Anyway, at least I know You will always like me, I don't have to be anybody just to please You, You are my very best friend! Hey Your birthday is two days from now!!! Aren't You excited? I am! Wait till You see, I have a gift for You ....but it is a surprise! I hope You will like it! Oooops, I have to go ..." then he stood up and calls out, "Padre, Padre, I am finished talking to my friend ....you can accompany me to the other side of the road now"

This routine happens everyday. Andoy never fails. Father Agaton shares this every Sunday to the people in his church because he has notseen a very pure faith and trust in God, a very positive look at negative situations.

One Christmas day, Father Agaton was sick so he could not make it in the Church, he was sent to the hospital. The Church was left to 4 Manangs who would chant the rosary in 1000 miles per hour, would not smile and would always find fault in what you do, they were also very well versed in cursing if you irritate them! They were kneeling, saying their kilometric rosary when Andoy, coming from his Christmas party, playfully dashed in.

"Hello God! I ......"

"P----!! (a curse) bata ka!! Alam mo nang may nagdadasal!!Alis!!"

Poor Andoy was so terrified, "Where's Father Agaton? He is supposed to help me cross the street ... and to be able to cross the street I will have to pass by the back door of this church ...not only that, I have to greet Jesus. It is His birthday, I have a gift right here...."Just as he was about to get the gift out of his shirt, theManang pulled his shirt and threw him out of the church. "Susmaryosep!!!(does the sign of the cross fervently) Alis kang bata ka, kung hindi matatamaan ka!!!

So the boy had no choice but to cross the dangerous side ofthe road in front of the church. He crossed. A fast moving bus came in.

There was a blind curve. The boy was protecting his gift inside his shirt, so he was not looking. There was so little time. Andoy died on the spot. A lot of people crowded the poor boy, the body of a lifeless young boy ...

Suddenly, out of nowhere a tall man in a pure white shirt and pants, a face so mild and gentle, but with eyes full of tears... He came and carried the boy in His arms. He was crying. Curious bystanders nudged the man in white, and asked,

"Excuse me sir, are you related to this child? Do you know this child?"

The man in white, His face mourning and in agony, looked up and answered,"He was my bestfriend .... " was all he said. He took the badly wrapped gift in the bloody chest of the lifeless boy, and placed it near His heart.

He stood up and carried the boy away and they bothdisappeared in sight.

The crowd was curious ...

On Christmas Eve, Father Agaton learned of the shocking news. He visited the house, and wanted to verify about the man in white. He consulted the parents of Andoy.

"How did you know that your son died?"

"A man in white brought him here." sobbed the mother. "What did he say?"The father answered, "He did not say anything. He was mourning. We do not know him and yet he was very lonely about our son's death, as if he knew our son very well. But there was something peaceful and unexplainable about him. He gave me my son, and then he smiled peacefully. He brushed my son's hair away from his face and kissed him on his forehead, then he whispered something..."

"What did he say?"

"He said to my boy..." the father began,

"Thank you for the gift ... I will see you soon ... you will be with me..." and the father of the boy continued,

"and you know for a while, it felt so wonderful ...

I cried, but I do not know why....all I know is I cried tears of joy .... I could not explain it, Father, but when that man left, something peaceful came over me, I felt a deep sense of love inside ... I could not explain the joy in my heart,I knew my boy is in heaven now but...tell me, Father, who is this man that my son talks to everyday in your church, you should know because you are always there ... except at the time of his death ......"Father Agaton suddenly felt the tears welling in his eyes, with trembling knees, he murmured, " ... He was talking to no one ..... but .. GOD...."

Radio Personality Fidela "Tiya Dely" Mendoza-Magpayo Dies at 87

"Tiya Dely, cnu nga bang inde nakakakilala sa kanya? elementary pa lamang ako nun... naririnig q na ang boses nia sa radyo.... rest in oeace Tiya Dely! Maraming salamat sa tulong mo sa mga nangangailangan.. isa kang legacy... "

Veteran broadcaster ‘Tiya Dely’ dies - report

MANILA, Philippines - Veteran broadcaster Fidela "Tiya Dely" Magpayo died at 6:15 p.m. Monday, two days after suffering a stroke, according a report by radio dzBB.The report said Magpayo's daughter Deedee confirmed the news of the veteran broadcaster's death.Magpayo had remained on a respirator Monday morning. Her doctors admitted that her chances of recovery were not good.Dr. Cynthia Juico of the Manila Doctors Hospital, where Magpayo is presently confined, said the broadcaster has not regained consciousness as of Monday morning.Juico said an initial CT scan on the 87-year-old Magpayo showed the bleeding in her head was too massive to be subjected to surgery.She said she was very sad because she took part in Magpayo's program on dzRH only two weeks ago.Before midnight Saturday, Magpayo suffered a stroke during her radio program and was rushed to the Manila Doctors' Hospital.Magpayo was among the recipients of the Gawad Plaridel award of the University of the Philippines in 2006, for keeping her dedication, integrity and professionalism to her job.She had been a radio host, newscaster, singer, writer and producer in radio since the 1940s, popularizing Filipino songs at a time when American music dominated the airwaves.Also, she pushed for the education of the correct and proper use of the Filipino language and advocated the preservation of traditional Filipino values of respect, honor, and love in the advices that she gave to her listeners. - GMANews.TV

Art & Technology

"Super astig tong video na to' ang galing nung nag-imbento n2... two thumbs up! =D"

Water Writing @ Yahoo! Video

a-p-e-r

I was listenin to oasis- wonderwall...







Nung may mabasa akong topic sa my game community forum (http://forum.mygame.ph) e2 ung topic dun sa thread… ano masasabi nio kung ang sabi ng babae na nililigawan nio ay “ maghintay ka ng 2 years”

2 years…

2 years….

Bigla ko ciang naalala…

Way back in high skul merun din akog gurl na niligawan… and it was for 2 years.. yup 2 years akong nanligaw sa kanya.. pero its worth waiting… 2 years akong nag-antay… after nun I spend 3 years with her..

3 years of pain...

3 years of sorrow...

3 years of happiness…

Madaming nangyari within 3 years.. sobrang dami…

Pero every journey has its own point of destination… and there it goes… dumating n ung relationship namin sa destination… the ending...letting go is not the easiest thing to do.. umiyak ako and nasaktan.. I know ganun din cia.. pero ngaun nakapag move-on na kame, kahit mahirap... after nung break up namin d q n cia nakita ulet… pero sana maayus naman cia… I miss her now.. pero wala n kong lakas ng loob magpakita sa knya.. I donnu kung bakit… pero ganun n un… para dun sa thread starter… good luck.. malay mo its worth waiting din… ^^

Happy Birthday Chuchi!!! Mag-asawa ka na lol!

The day you were born, the whole world was blessed...
These thoughts in my mind to you I must confess,
The time has come for me to express my true feelings...
You are the center of my thoughts and the essence of my being.
What you have brought me I never thought I could procure...
The gift of comfort, with you I am secure.
For you have lifted me up from a life filled with sorrow...
And made me realize there is always a better tomorrow.
It amazes me how someone can make me feel this way,
I love you more and more with each passing day...
You brighten my days and lift my spirits...
I have felt this for so long and now want you to hear it,
So you may know the place you hold in my heart,
You are always with me even when we're apart
I truly believe what we have is meant to be...
Just open your heart and soon you shall see..
What I am willing to do to keep a smile on your face,
Just know that I'm here and will be always...
~~~pobrengpinoy~~~

She was my bestfriend... Part II

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her. It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house, I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lasy just like my dear Sam. I then asked," Hi Jen! I guess you're suprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Ummm.........bby the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly, "Come follow me."

I was confused with the way she's acting but still i followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questiond briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam."

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.

I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but eventhough she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regard this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. by the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left. I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated las month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading........

I know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm sayin are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. when our prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so i told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. you continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left. Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.

P.S.

Think of me sometimes.... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."

She was my bestfriend...

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met, I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my bestfriend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I answered, " My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, " Well i like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, " Thanks! troy and I made this. this used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with troy and I could be your new best friend too. i never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it started.

So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was i who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a weeks's allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when he teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden. We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy.

Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesnt know that i whispher the words "God how I love you."

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe i would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do. So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. we still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.

So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So she turned away and quietly said, "Well i just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam." The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy i felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!" I ran slowed up so that i would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, " Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.

When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said ," Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends.

I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and search for her.

As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhoutte figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. i could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. in the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. there was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.

To be continue...

P-A-K-I-P-O-T Part II

and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita kame... di nya ako pinapansin... ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako pero ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang ang iwas nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang....

months na ang binilang... i heard that he was dating a girl from the same school that we are in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila na.... mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa kanya.....

basta... ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks.... months....gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in my last day in school.... and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out namen.... when i was about to get near the place.... i saw him... with the girl.... umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking about.... so i decided to get out of that place before my tears burst out.... and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken.... saying na buntis ang girl.... syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko.... kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko.....

the night of that same day.... naloka ang lola nyo.... nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon... i thought it was something good for me... for us.... pero i was wrong.... so wrong..... he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids..... the girl... she was waiting in the car.... o db? dati motor lang ngaun... car na....

and so the wedding came.... maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko pero wala ng nagsecond the motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa nanay ko.... then, there was this professor who came to see me.... he handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the enveloped.... he said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po malaki po ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the letter thinking that it could save souls... daw....

and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino daw ang tututol... dedma ako.... alam namang manggulo pa ko noh....

binasa ko na ang letter..... nakakatouch po talaga.... he opened up his feelings for me.... hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for him.... he ask that if i will show up to our hang- out the next day after he gave his letter, then it means that i also have feelings for him and that he would love me for the rest of our lives.... but if i wont.... then he will never open that topic again.... he pleaded to me na sana pumunta ako...

if only i have that letter.... if only i knew about it.... kung di lang ako clumsy and carelss to keep that letter... things would be diffrent.... if only.....

and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife.... ang sakit......

picture taking..... gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko.... as you know.... magaling akong magpigil.... pero masakit po talaga.... sobra......

after the picture taking...... niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko.... ang higpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na....

"i still love you......."

"The face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled...for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."