Do you still remember...

Do you still remember the first time we met? I can still see it in my mind. The little boy wearing shorts, smiling at me from afar. That smile of yours that looked so sinister to me then. Can't help it. I used to hate boys. But you already know that don't you? I can still remember the way you tried to hide your tears when I "accidentally" hurt you during playtime. You returned the favor by making me squeeze out a couple of tears all those years I've known you. Nobody ever did that to me. And I don't think I'd let anybody do that either. I'd never let you... except that I could not help it. Do you remember the times when we'd sit under the tree near our school? The way we had our heads together, plotting and scheming? How we thought of ways on how to make you forget that you're in-love with my best friend? How you tried to make me fall in-love with your friend? Remember me smiling at you, laughing at your quips and your mean criticisms of the things I loved most? It's funny. I used to think you were evil, those times you were so nice to me. And now that you are being evil, I can't help but think only of nice things about you. Every time you hurt me, my mind just thinks of those times you'd actually give me a compliment or the times we'd sit under the same tree, thinking up plots for stories we were to write. But I guess I'm still not that "nice" to you. Whenever I'm not in the mood for thinking of how nice you could be, I insult you and hurt you in return. Only, I end up hurting myself even more.

Do you still remember the times you'd join me for a walk? You'd wait for me after class and then off we'll go, nowhere in particular, following the path that our feet set for us. It was the most blissful time of the day for me, walking beside you, wishing, hoping we can do this forever, even as I listened to your litany of how much you loved her, how you didn't want to and how you can't help it. I perfectly understand how you feel. I know what it's like to love someone you don't want to love and yet can't help loving. I know because I love someone too. Someone who I know is trying his best to be dense so as to "save our friendship". Someone who tries his best to let me forget what I feel by being so mean. Someone who tries to make me fall in-love with someone else, not knowing that all his efforts were futile because I loved him even more.

You understood me. You told me once that you knew me more than I knew myself. Looking back, I guess you did. And I understood you too. Maybe not completely, but I did. I saw beyond the mask you held up for the world to see. It's been so long. So long, and yet I can still remember as if it was yesterday. I don't think I will ever forget. You were a part of me, a part that I will continue to carry with me till my last days on earth. It's been so long now, we could never bring back what we had before. You went your way and I went mine. I doubt that our paths will ever meet again. I guess I just wrote to thank you for all you've been to me, for everything you have given me. Sorry nothing worked out the way we planned. I guess that's just how things are sometimes.

Thank you. Sorry. Goodbye. I want you to know that I'll always love you. I know in your own way you've loved me too. I'm not hoping for anything... I've stopped doing that a long time ago. Maybe someday we'll meet again. Maybe... I'll worry about it when it happens. If there's one thing I've learned from you, I've learned to stop worrying about tomorrow and be happy for today. Take care of yourself. We may not be together, but I will be here..