...I was so excited to meet that special someone who will make my life complete. I thought I had it all na kasi except forthat someone who will make me forget about my fears and heartaches.
Many times...I thought nakilala ko na siya...but many times I realizedthat hindi pala siya. I don't know kung hindi talaga siya para sa akinor ako lang yung may problema...dahil i just can't get contented withwhat I have.
Masaya lang kasi sa una...then after that, sunod sunod na ang away, kungwala namang away, wala namang thrill. And I end up getting tired ofhoping that tomorrow will make up for today...Finally, I decided thatmaybe its better to try my luck elsewhere, maybe, someone else's lovewill make me feel complete. Every woman wants a man who will make herfeel special...and treat her like she's everything in his life... He'salways busy...he doesn't have time for me. He promised to take me outfor dinner and movie and then biglang tatawag "B, sorry I can't take youout today, my boss asked me to work tonight, may hinahabol kasingdeadline. Nakakahiya naman pag hindi ko pagbibigyan. Hayaan mo I'll makeit up to you next time." And it happens all the time. I often end upspending the day crying in my room.
"Bakit gan'un, he doesn't care about me...I was looking forward to seehim today. Hindi ba niya ako namimiss?"
Kaya heto ako...I've made up mymind na...I'll give him what he wants...he probably won't miss meanyway. I'm always last sa lahat ng priorities niya. Im not important tohim at all. If he can't treat me right, somebody else will!
Mahimbing ang tulog niya...when he came home. D man lng niya akonapansin.
He gave me a kiss sa cheek and ginulo ang buhok ko...after thatdumeretso nasa kuarto at natulog. I won't wake him up anymore...susulatna lng ako...at parang isang panaginip...pagising niya wala na ako.
Dear Jake,
While you're reading this letter, wala na ako...you probably won't seeme again. I won't tell you the details anymore coz alam mo na yun. but Iguess you deserve to know why...Lately, I realized that this is not thekind of life that I want for myself..you know that I've been lonelymost of my life and I want to share my life with someone who won't takeme for granted, who will make me happy every second of my life. Forgiveme but I guess, hanggang dito na lng tayo. I just want you to know thatI love you and I want you to be happy too.
Maan
With tears in my eyes, I left the letter beside him para makita niyapaggising niya. And then I looked at him. Ang guapo guaponiya...napangiti ako...naaalala ko nung una ko siyang makilala. I metthis guy sa school nung college. Ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanya but Idon't know what he saw in me at ako ang niligawan niya kahit inaaway kosiya. I was scared of him before, para kasing playboy ang mukha...I wasbroken hearted at that time and getting hurt again was the last thing Iwanted. But then he was persistent and he was really nice to me. Atfirst, our relationship was extraordinary. wala akong masabi.
Nobody has ever treated me like that...kaya lang as time went by...weboth got busy and despite the fact that we both lived under one roof, weseldom spent time with each other. He buys me anything I want but Idon't really need anything...I just need him. But i guess, he changed alot since the first time we were together, siguro he fell out of loveand he just can't tell me...Ba't kasi kailangan pang magbago anglahat....kaya heto na naman ako, muling mag iisa.I didn't realize, I wasstaring at him for 3 hours.
Gumalaw siya and something fell off his hand---ballpen?! and then I sawa piece of paper sa tabi niya.. I was curious kaya binasa ko and it goeslike this...
Dear Maan,
For all the times that I have disappointed you, I'm really sorry. I knowI've been out of your sight often and that I always make you feel bad.Im really sorry.
want you to know that even though wala ako sa tabi mo...I'm alwaysthinking about you. You are the reason why I work hard. I want to giveyou everything in life because you deserve everything and I want you tobe happy. Kaya forgive me kung hindi tayo natuloy last week. I had towork double time para matuloy tayo ngayon. I know that you've alwayswanted to go south sa beach. I can't afford a house by the beach rightnow but I hope that I've made you happy today. I love you baby. I loveyou more than you'll ever know. Happy Valentines Day!
With lots of love,
Jake
What if hindi ko nakita ang letter na to? I could have committed thegreatest mistake of my life, letting go of someone who loves me the waythis man does. I will never forgive myself for thinking that he wasunfair, that he doesn't care, that he doesn't love me. I couldn't helpmyself but cry.
All the while, I was the one being unfair and selfish and I feel sostupid for failing to see what this man is doing for me. Valentines napala next week. I havent got anything for him yet...ahh alam ko na, fromnow on, hindi na ako mangungulit. I can wake up tomorrow and pretendthat nothing happened tonight. I placed his letter back under his pillowand I tore mine into pieces. Tapos, niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. I loveyou, b. I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me at ginulo ang buhokko (gulat ako) I love you more he told me. And he laughed. He waswatching me all the time?! O, tapos naba ang drama mo? Kanina pa kitahinihintay. And he turned off the lights.
"Love is not a bed of roses and love is not a bed of nails. It is acombination of sadness and happiness..."
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